For What’s Worth It

No human love can fill the void, that gnawing loneliness. I believed I knew it. May be I did not live it. Or I forgot. And may be that’s why it’s excruciatingly cruel. Expecting to be heard, more importantly to be understood. How much should I scream to make myself clear. I used to believe in transparency, voicing even the most useless information. My insecurities are all out there in open. But for what good?! Just to hear it back mockingly. Advices?! Our life revolves around it. Being reciprocated back. I told myself to be as much selfless as one can be. But it’s easier said than to practice it, to live it. Patience is a tough job. I ask and look for distractions, relations, family, marraige, motherhood, a job, pursuing higher degree, friendships, entertainment, chatterboxing, killing time and what not. Happiness is a charade. But I know for a fact that any other diversion is bound to disappoint and dismay as well. Voila! I have full baggage of bad fortune following me. I tell myself. I teach myself. But all in vain. What the solemn heart wills, it wills. A God in petty mortal human beings and human things.

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The Hurt

Why is it so darn hard to get through the lover?! Oh, the things he would hide. And the things he would tell. My silly heart knows only asking. Shameless heart. The heart of a always nagging wife.

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Serenading Love Songs

You love me my jaan

You do not understand me my jaan

I tell you my jaan

Follow woman’s heart and passion my jaan

Nevertheless, this is my love, my jaan

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Conflict of Personalities

You are a free bird

I am so tame

You are laughing cracker

When I am lame

You say you love me the most

Still I am barely out of the frame

There is always someone lurking around

To lit my insecurities aflame

You talk so much

Tell me, ask me, as attention-seeker is my birth name

I don’t have stories or friends or ambitions

That’s why I misbecame

You are tornado of happenings

I am slow, so totally out of game

Baby, girl, match the pace

And, stop the rame

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Things Love Make You Do Sometimes

Oh, how i have started hating hearing cars from my window?! The building tension on approaching car, and the dejection and saddness and even frustation while it fades away. How the world is so depressingly quite and at some point i used to peep out of my window to look at the city sleeping and find it astonishingly calming. How the tables have turned. Why do i ask?! Why do i wait?

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Every Now And Then

How lit my eyes are

How cold my feet are

What’s this that creeps in

Peeping out sometime

The calls call

To be pulverized away

It’s my baby too

The one mum likes to disown

How heavy headed my head is

How lame my heart is

Whats this that clucks away

Scrubbing the back

Clenching the eyes shut

Open up, enact, bring into being

Its me

Your mum

The one you unwant

Me too

I, too, disdain you

I too

I am

You too

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A Woman’s Insecurity

The awful taste in mouth each time I realize how a man’s world out there is so different, biased and free-er. When will I learn to accept it and okay with it?! Any time soon?!

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