You are a free bird
I am so tame
You are laughing cracker
When I am lame
You say you love me the most
Still I am barely out of the frame
There is always someone lurking around
To lit my insecurities aflame
You talk so much
Tell me, ask me, as attention-seeker is my birth name
I don’t have stories or friends or ambitions
That’s why I misbecame
You are tornado of happenings
I am slow, so totally out of game
Baby, girl, match the pace
And, stop the rame
Oh, how i have started hating hearing cars from my window?! The building tension on approaching car, and the dejection and saddness and even frustation while it fades away. How the world is so depressingly quite and at some point i used to peep out of my window to look at the city sleeping and find it astonishingly calming. How the tables have turned. Why do i ask?! Why do i wait?
How lit my eyes are
How cold my feet are
What’s this that creeps in
Peeping out sometime
The calls call
To be pulverized away
It’s my baby too
The one mum likes to disown
How heavy headed my head is
How lame my heart is
Whats this that clucks away
Scrubbing the back
Clenching the eyes shut
Open up, enact, bring into being
Its me
Your mum
The one you unwant
Me too
I, too, disdain you
I too
I am
You too
The awful taste in mouth each time I realize how a man’s world out there is so different, biased and free-er. When will I learn to accept it and okay with it?! Any time soon?!
I have a lover
I have many beloveds
I have had too many friends too
But many a times
Lonliness still stings
But this time, I went to my old self, to seek comfort and company. A page dating five years back. How astonishingly I am relating to it even now! Oh, I haven’t aged. I thought I have grown up. I am way more emotionally matured and in control. But, no, there come bouts, when everything kept at bay, comes flooding in and then there is nothing to do then, except; suffering. Suffer. Make it pass. Then smile again. And laugh. Kid yourself. And others.
Honeymoon
The euphoria
And the peace
Slowly steadily and intimately
Embracing
We don’t understand the worries of our parents. We judge them so harshly. We complain of the aloofness. Despite their concerns and care, we still feel detached. But there is this group afar. We try to extend our hands in longing. We speak, scream and sometimes call silently as well. Hear us. Hear me. Or may be sing me your song. Our calls are same lame and mundane things. Grass is definitely greener there. No?! We desire. Then we don’t want to admit it as well. Desiring a companionship or a lover or subjecting the self to devour passions or getting acknowledged, being owned, want to claim, even win, all those glorious careers, domesticity, emotional intimacy, guards, masks; we like or dislike or live or want to unlern these all and many more. But why the denail? Who do we have to prove we are better on ourselves if not only the dear self?! We fear bondage. And yet we want to be. Then we deny. Yeah, damn right, we are independent. Bleh. Evading all things and every body is not independence. There is no running away any where. The ‘self’ and the ‘fate’ always got each other, like two inseparable best friend forever types.
