Everything in nature is so intimidating that your heart can not contain it.
We pour so much of ourselves on social media sites where there is an illusion of having an earful audience. Where as in reality one has to contain everything within, no matter how saddening it is. Simply because the doors shut right at your nose. “Why do you even call or come to meet, Rafiah?!”
Routine, daily chores, spending of days and nights, fam jam, the noise they make, the angry grumbles one is constantly making, supposed passions and friends, alternating health and sickness, the art within and outside; these are all actually bliss to fight the biggest of the demon in nature, the loneliness. Otherwise how unbearably boring it would be to survive.
Each and every hook and corner of my room, what lies in the side table drawer, the lamp I so much like, the books I have stacked and unable to read any time sooner, the messed up almirah I fail to organize, my hand written notes made to safe keep all the knowledge in the fear that it will evaporate otherwise, conversations saved in my mailboxes, my diaries, the insults and curses, eating back my tears, the inappropriate touches, the kitchen cabinets, all the photos, the souvenirs and the memories, the expectations of my parents towards me, my troubled attempt to live and to be able to love the proper way, the fear for future, my improper attempts to make calls, struggle to live the right way ; I have been dissolved in all that.
In the end,
Happy Wedding Rafiah
May you find the coolness of your eyes while in your husband’s warm embrace.